Thursday, February 23, 2017

The good, the bad, and the evil, Locked DOWN!

There has to be some kind of balance in life. That is the beauty of the design.

How can we know joy if we have never known sorrow?
How can we appreciate peace if we have never fought battles?

Another design wonder is the human brain.

I don't mind that I can't remember much more than bits and pieces of life under the cruel reign of stepdad.
Eventually, when the violence began, I literally went into shut-down mode. Then later, the memory would simply disappear!
It's so hard to explain, and I'm having a hard time right now trying to realize how long I retained the memory of an event before it disappeared.
Oh, it makes my head hurt...
I would later find out it was a mechanism of self defense and self preservation designed by my brain. It was how I was able to endure.
Excellent! Right??

Well, sort of yes, and kind of no.

My youth may not have been ideal, but that's not to say there weren't good times too, but you see, the brain doesn't know the difference between excitement of something good, or the stress of something bad.
There is no difference of extreme. There is only extreme.
Good, or bad, too bad! It all goes on lock-down! What remains are fragments.

That's the good and the bad. Where's the evil? Hang on, I'm getting to it.

Stepdad didn't want to work. He didn't like to work, it was too hard. What he did work at was to build this public facade that he was this great guy! We were a family of active members of our church. After my parents purchased a camper, we became the go-to family for taking youth groups camping, and on other church related travels.
Of course, we also just travelled as a family.
As a result, we went on multiple trips to Washington DC, Niagara Falls, Indiana, Tennessee, Texas, Mexico, Arizona and the places in between. Then we went camping every Labor Day, or whenever my parents decided to just up and go camping, at the Warren Dunes on Lake Michigan. Beautiful!
Those are the times I would dearly love to remember! Alas, I got so excited that we were leaving out of the house, that soon, most of those memories went on lockdown.

Stepdad was so good at his disguise, it made it impossible to let anyone ever know about what realy went on at home.
As a matter of fact, he always kept his cool in public, but when he got home, that was another story. For example,
I once found out the source of one of his hissy fit rampages he had at home came from a boy that simply took a pass from reading out loud in Sunday school class that morning.
Perfectly disguised, an evil monster in the skin of a servant of God.
The scales there were way off balance!

The problem is, once that lock-down mode is activated, there's NO turning it off!

So, here I live my life, with all of my memories in broken fragments; the good, the bad and the evil!

No comments:

Post a Comment